A Few Lessons I'm Still Learning

Jonathan got me a Nook for Mother's Day, which has been great for the evenings after Jack goes to bed. I was looking for some devotional type books that I could read on a daily basis, and I came across a book that has been amazing. It's called "Changing Your World One Diaper at a Time" by Marla Taviano. It talks about the joys and struggles that come along with being a mother in the first year, and the importance of relying on God in your day to day life as a new mother. Overall it has been great in helping to overcome some of the feelings of inadequacy that I would think occasionally strike most moms. One of the things that has been most difficult for me is that I have come to realize just how much of a control freak I am. It's hard to admit, but yes...My name is Sarah, and I like to control things. The first step is admitting it, right?! This journey of becoming a mother and now being one has been a huge challenge for a control freak from the utopian ideas of what childbirth would be like to getting used to being on a more flexible, child-driven schedule. I am just not an overly flexible person, but I am quickly learning.

I was looking through my "birth plan" that we gave to the hospital staff when we showed up for my induction (not part of the plan right from the get go), and I had 17 bullet points I wanted them to follow. Well, guess what.... 0 out of 17 were followed, because unforeseen medical issues came into play causing a high risk birth that led to a c-section. This was definitely not what I had planned. Now that Jack is here safe and sound, you always imagine that you will be able to place your child on an amazing schedule that he follows to a T. When I do all the "right" things during the day and evening leading up to bedtime, but he wakes up at 3:30 a.m. or every 2-3 hours from rolling himself awake, I have to remember he's a BABY! He doesn't follow the schedule I outline in my Franklin Covey planner.

I say all this, because I have come to realize that I truly believe God has taught and is still teaching me a lot about letting go of my plans and finding true Joy in all that goes right. Proverbs 16:3 says, "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." I have to laugh now a little bit at my birth plan, because it's a wake up call that you can spend hours perfecting something on paper, but real life catches up with you. Also, on those few nights (because overall I am blessed to have an AMAZING sleeper and schedule follower) Jack cries and cries or wakes up in the middle of the night wanting to be snuggled, I am finding more joy in staring at and rocking this amazing little person who loves me so much. And one day he is not going to want me to cradle him in my arms, and I'll probably yearn for the times I got to love on my little baby.

One other thing I am beginning to learn from this book is finding peace with the fact that God kind of fills in the gaps in a sense for our inadequacies. It is very important to me that Jack knows God and that Jesus died on the cross for his sins. I want him to know that Jonathan and I also love him no matter what choices he makes, good or bad, and that we are able to provide him with the wisdom that comes along with life experience. Sometimes I feel like I don't know enough about the ins and outs of Christianity, and that I won't be the best teacher or example for him. But one verse this book mentioned gave me a lot of comfort..."He tends to his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heard; he gently leads those that have young." I have "young" now, or a young one I guess, and he will lead me and guide me in the journey of trying to raise an amazing, God-know and -loving little boy.

I get a little teary eyed thinking about the amazing gift and responsibility Jonathan and I have been given. We couldn't ask for a better and more rewarding challenge!

1 Samuel 1:27 "For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted me the desires of my heart."